The Crazy Adventures of a PhD Economics Student

Anyone who knows me knows that from about 14, I've wanted to be an Economist, and pursuing that required a culminating degree in a Ph.D. Fast-forward to 2020, we're amid a pandemic, and I'm about to be laid off from a job that I was resenting because of lack of growth and compensation, but a job nonetheless. 

My former academic advisor reached out to me about starting the Ph.D. program, a recently started program at my former school; clearly, there was some hesitation, but with no job and clearly nowhere to go at the time, it seemed like a good option at the time. September, when the program began, all was not okay, but some things were expected. Online classes for those who aren't trained in online classes can be challenging, especially at the senior graduate level. There was also a very unnerving experience with a very condescending foreigner who was clearly uncertain about the content and was trying to make our lives more complicated than they needed to be. 

At the time, my intention was to move on to another program in the second year because I knew that my desired field specialization wouldn't be offered. However, our HOD and one of our lecturers gave us the impression that because of their connections abroad, it may be possible that our interest could be facilitated. This is important to note because this is where my thought process started to change. If I could find a way to do the field I wanted while still in this program. I concocted a relatively simple plan for a year abroad without actually going anywhere, leveraging online classes at a partner university in Canada. This way, I get to do what I want, essentially, but this plan required department-to-department interaction at those points; even with a well-laid-out plan, my department didn't know what to do with it. 

Things reached a boiling point at the beginning of the second semester; after receiving a tongue lashing, I had to make my displeasure known, so I drafted an email to my program director and HOD outlining the facts of the last semester and what appeared to be a lack of direction for the program. At this level, school is hard enough. Being uncertain about the program's administration is not supposed to be one of the challenges you should face as a Ph.D. student. My email forced a meeting, and the meeting essentially painted me as a villain, and my classmates who the semester before were all complaining hung me out to dry. Clearly angered, I started to plot my exit from the program after finishing the year or enact my plan. 

A few months later, we were again informed via email in no uncertain terms that due to financial constraints, the department would only be able to facilitate 2 field specializations ( two of which I was not particularly interested in) and that they didn't understand my plan. Instead of making an attempt, it was quickly dismissed. As a professional problem solver, I began to unravel, unreel, and threatened to not only leave the program but expose them. Because of the timing of these events, transferring to a new program was virtually impossible, as intakes for the good schools would have already passed and based on the time frame unless I wanted to start over. 

Essentially, I'm stuck in a Ph.D. program with unsure administration, relatively no funding, doing specializations of no particular interest, all of this while working full time. How are there any positives to this?

I am an economist; the core job behind all the math, fancy software and abstraction is the use of scarce resources, and I wouldn't be worth my salt if I couldn't climb this mountain.